Holy shit, so you guys ain’t gonna believe this but we got a BIG interview comin’ your way. No, we ain’t talkin’ to my bro Mikey (RIP), we’re talkin’ to THE dragon from Panzer Dragoon. You might best know Panzer Dragoon as that sweet mini-game on the Xbox game Orta. Yeah, believe it or not they had a retro version of Orta on the same disc! SEGA Does what… you know the rest. Anyway, let’s begin the interview.
Hey guys, George here teaching you how to take your SEGA gaming to the next level. Most people that have played Sonic the Hedgehog 2 have probably told you that they are really good at spin dashing. Wrong! They are full of shit. In this guide I would teach you how to properly spin-dash and become a Sonic the Hedgehog 2 champion.
1. Hold down
2. Press jump button
3. Let go
4. Success, you are the envy of your peers.
Remember that Sonic the Hedgehog 2 has highly advance controllers created for the 16-bit era, so don’t be frustrated if the mechanics confuse you at first. Thanks for tuning in to an exciting SEGA Strat. I’m George, you guide to gaming supremacy signing off.
Yo all you Sony nerds out there! You all hyped for the launch of Sony’s PS4? We sure as fuck are. Me, my girl Nikki (yeah, we hooked up), Toni, his girl LaQuare, and Mikey’s ashes are outside Best Buy waiting for the midnight release. We are so fucking PUMPED. On Friday, we’re plannin’ some MAD shit for the PS4 launch. We’re unboxing it, playin’ it for a week, reboxing it, returning it, getting a refund, and are buyin ourselves an Xbox One. Then we’re reboxin’ that, reselling it on Craig’s List, then buying a PS4 used at Gamestop. Stay tuned to The Mafia, as we geek out over the PS4 and bring you some exclusive content not found anywhere else. Yo, I gotta go, my Galaxy Note 2 is dyin’ and I need to take a piss. Peace.
Yo bitches. Sorry for the spelling error in the headline. Meant to say “The Kartel”. Yup. They dead! Now they turned into some Indiana Jones fansite or some shit. “Loot”? What are they, pirates or some bizness? Pirates been dead since the third movie. My bro Mikey (RIP) loved Pirates 1&2, but the third one was, in his words, “a big floppy donkey dick”.
SEGA and Sonic suck. Simple fact. But what if your sittin in class n this asshole is like “yo, i was visiting sega fan sites last night n i found this sweet ass site called segabits”. Maaaan, you are filled with RAGE! You wanna rip his sega fanboy head clean off. But you can’t. You have three priors, you were on an episode of Cops last season (Stupid Criminals #4) and u wanna impress this girl named Nikki. Well we got you covered. Here is 100 reasons why SEGA n Sonic SUCK.
I don’t care if I’m burning any bridges with this post, but I gotta speak out about something SEGAbits has planned. Back on April 1, 2011, The Mafia took over SEGAbits. We let them do their thing, but they were ours. Now they have something planned and we are pissed off. After all we’ve done for them they stab us Mafia bros in the back. Nobody stabs a Mafia member in the back. SLICE N DICE! You dig? We do the stabbing, they do the running. SEGAbits a-holes. Fuck, I’m glad Mikey is dead. If he heard this news he’d flip out, probably kill a few SEGAbits losers before turning the forklift on himself. RIP Mikey.
Anyway this is what SEGAbits is up to: [SEGAbits mod edit, removed materials and banned Nomad Borgata]
Staind said it best: its been a while. But slice n dice, The Mafia is BACK! We got a random ass photo for you, but it’s funny as fuck. Dog has a bag on his head. You see that shit? My buddy Mikey sent me this before he died while texting and operating a forklift (he was texting me this pic). This has gotta be the funniest pic of 2013 and meme of the week. In memory of Mikey it is meme of 2013.
After the break, a tribute to Mikey.
Just a a shout out to all our loyal followers. We wanted to let you know that we aint dead! SEGAbits payed the price so we took da backseat and now are a subsidary of SEGAbits.
So we be providen you with the hot articles you all love in the future.
typing dis from mah phone so excuse the spelin